Fighting Demons by Bryan Adamson
After watching Finding Joe the documentary with my good friend Tim Myers, and reading two extraordinary biographies about Brian Boyle and Anthony Robles, I have decided to take the time to share my story about some of the demons I have been facing. It is important to mention that while I am a motivational speaker and writer, I do have profound struggles at times. I feel writing this article will create an inside look of how to make sure we are doing the things we are doing every day and to never lose that push we all call motivation.
This has been a hard month for me, harder than usual. You see, I am searching for a new job that will make me happy and yes keep me financially stable – this is a battle a lot of us fight but it is important to make sure that what we are doing is truly making us happy because after all we have one life to live and who wants to hang out with a grumpy guy who can pay the bar tab anyways? I have recently plateaued in my weight loss; something I am not proud to share. I am still fighting with my weight scale and the fact that my weight scale is my mirror. Even with all of my weight loss, I still see the fat guy behind me in the mirror laughing at me almost mocking me. This certain demon even comes after a girl has said my body looks really great. I have recently taken up CrossFit and being the competitor I am, I cringe when someone lifts a heavy weight than me or pushes harder than me in a workout. I love being back in shape but now that I am here, I want more and I beat myself up when someone is better than me. My mom describes it best, I have no brakes and I am always pedal to the metal (Writer’s note: This is probably why she never taught me how to drive, a young beautiful lady who was in love with me during college taught me. Poor Sliver Honda Civic named Sylvester you are missed, my friend.)
I have often wondered if I have done enough for my family at home, I still feel guilty for leaving my younger brother who was seven at the time for college which is probably why I never leave him alone when I do arrive at home. It is good to see him get away from the PlayStation and enjoy the outdoors once in a while. I have also been at a struggle because while I am in York enjoying my nice apartment, my family is cramped in a three bedroom house that seems to be falling apart, oh how I wish I could pay off the mortgage for them, open up a line of credit to remodel it or knock it down to start from scratch. The four of them would have to stop smoking which would be a major plus in my book. I have been struggling to come to terms from my past relationship with a girl, I am fighting the demons that if I still believe, it may come true because there is nothing more in my life that I would want to come true. It is frustrating knowing I would drop everything at the moment to go hang out with them and they wouldn’t do the same even though they know they would have a great time with me. I have been struggling to find someone who cares about me as much as I do them and truthfully I am at the point where I think I will never find that person no matter how great I become. I do often think if I have done good enough as a friend, sure I have four amazing best friends in my life, two from home and two from college but I often wonder why I don’t have more people to hang out with as I am the king at being a social butterfly. They also rarely ever visit York and I am always doing the driving, I wonder why so? It gets unbearable sometimes driving four hours to barely see a friend for dinner and not have the favor returned back. I also fight this demon every day, I always almost always feel like I am DISAPPOINTING everyone I know and that I should just throw in the towel today. In ways I feel like I should have accomplish so much more already with my twenty seven years of my life
So why I am telling you this? Truth is after battling this for quite some while, I read the books I mentioned above and when I saw the documentary it was exactly the KICK IN THE PANTS that I needed. You see, my life is not as bad as Brian Boyle whose biography was shared in the book Iron Heart, I didn’t almost die at the age of 18 through a horrible car accident, I didn’t suffered 18 blood transfusions or have my heart completely moved to the wrong side of the body due to the severity of the accident, I didn’t endure two months in the Intensive Care Unit. I wasn’t written as clinically dead eight times in the emergency room and after all this proceed to run the Hawaii Ironman Kona in less than three years of the operation happening. Brian Boyle also finished the race under the qualifying time of 17 hours, an amazing feat for the fit athlete and an even more amazing story for Brian Boyle. I also read the story of Anthony Robles, the not disabled one legged wrestler who won the Division I national championship at 125 pounds. He had a lot more demons I discovered while reading his story besides his disability and most of them were even stronger than his disability. We at every step of the way are our worst demons, our mind controls us and what we feed it (positive thoughts or negative thoughts) is what comes out of it.
This is also why I believe in motivation so greatly. I can’t tell you enough how I see (yes, I do people watch) of people walking around with a chain that has a cinder block attached to it – which happens during the Spartan races – I hate those darn things. They are slumping around life like their dog just died and it really bothers me. Maybe it is because I don’t understand where they are coming from and I don’t understand their challenges but I understand what it is like when it is only your parents that have hope for you when you are a little child and everybody else writing you off to the point where they are thinking about putting the hockey helmet on you to ride the short bus. (Yes that was a mild exaggeration but you get my point I hope!) I bounced back to the point that life is great, I am HERE, I am breathing, I have only lived a quarter part of my life and while I don’t feel like I have ARRIVED or made my PLACE here in society, I am okay. I am very young into my journey and I have every capability of being my own HERO and truthfully I wouldn’t want it any other way. I wouldn’t want something that comes along to give me everything that I need or provides for me because I would feel CHEATED. Life is a long journey and what you decide to do with it is YOUR choice. What control how we are positive or negative is how well we are fighting our demons and how well the support that is around us (our cheerleaders- Family, friends, acquaintances and mentors) is helping you.
There are times where you feel like the people who you want to believe in you and you don’t feel like at all that they do. There are times when you feel like everything has been tilted to one side to destroy you which is why you have to believe in yourself because if you don’t, you will lose the battle or ultimately the war. (Writer’s note: This probably why I always get strange amount of motivation bursts when somebody tells me that I CAN’T do something. I had friends tell me that I wouldn’t be able to do the marathon and the furthest training run I did which will be a shocker to everyone was 12 miles leading up to race day. I finished that marathon because I wanted to finish. So do me a favor after reading this, beat up your demons like you do with the circus game whack a mole and want to want to do something. Then go do it. Every one that I come in contacted with, I believe can do something extraordinary. All of the struggles I wrote about, I realize I am going to overcome and eventually be able to beat those troublesome items; they are just a part of my journey right now. These events in my life will mold me into the person I want to become and that is someone who is strong, determined and motivated.
To finish up a hard article that took a lot of energy to write, I asked a recruiter if he thought he was successful and while I am not saying that his answer disappointed me (I thought he was successful because he was asking me questions to hire me not the other way around and he had a job that he loved getting up for) My belief is measuring success is not through wealth or the fortune’s 400 richest people of the wealth, it is measured in the relationships you have, your health, the ability to contribute something to society and to overcome the obstacles that are placed in front of you. I would like to say a big thank you to the authors I mentioned above that shared their story and for having the willingness to do so, you have helped me. I have come to the conclusion that I am successful, I believe that I am successful and that the continuation of my life will give me struggles but I KNOW I have the capabilities of overcoming it.
I would really like insights from my readers about the articles I have written and would like some questions! Questions and open discussions only help everyone grow especially when you can see both sides of the equations! So email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or write a comment in the comment box!
Until next time,